The Best Of The Worst Of The Golden Raspberries 2019
As you’ll know for sure, the Awards season is in full swing, so there’s Baftas, Oscars, Grammys, Grannys and more taking place on every street corner. But who’s your pick for the 2019 ‘Razzies’? If that one’s floored you, your life is about to enter a downward spiral …
For those who don’t know (as well as those trying to forget) the 39th Golden Raspberry Awards is an upcoming L.A. awards ceremony with a difference. During a gala evening on the 23 February, 2019, the winners of a Golden Raspberry award in a number of prestigious categories will be announced. These categories will be all too familiar to dedicated Razzie fans – Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Actor etc. – but may come as something of a culture shock to those not yet used to recognising truly outstanding mediocrity. Indeed, unless you pause to reflect on the sheer depth of competition out there, the third-raters and non-starters all vying for recognition, it can be hard to appreciate the thrill of actually getting your hands on one of the coveted gold, spray-painted Razzie trophies.
Truly effortless acting and producing
So if the date’s now in your diary, you’d best know there are eight categories the would-be no-hopers of the film world have been trying to avoid. But, as of 21 January, the nominations were in, and the judges have been hard at work on the joyful task of assessing some of the industry’s most obvious flops, duds and also-rans. It’s a tough job making these calls without fear or favour, and some indeed may have wilted under the pressure. For instance, it has been rumoured that both Jamie Dornan (Fifty Shades Freed) and Kevin Spacey (Billionaire Boys Club) actually received enough votes for inclusion in the Worst Actor category, but neither made the final published list of nominees. When asked to confirm or deny these reports, Razzie organisers allegedly said: ‘Trust us, we’re on it.’
This year’s hot favourites
Donald Trump has been nominated Worst Actor not once, but twice, for his forgettable portrayals of a nice, orange US Prezeedent in two movie-documentaries – ‘Death of a Nation’ (Dinesh D'Souza) and ‘Farenheit 11/9’ (Michael Moore). Trump faces a wealth of inferior competition from the likes of Johnny Depp (who, of course, was the voice of ‘Sherlock Gnomes’), Will Ferrell (for ‘Holmes & Watson’), John Travolta’s ‘Gotti’ and Bruce Willis’ ‘Death Wish’. So stay tuned, it couldn’t be closer.
And it’s not just for the boys, there’s also some vintage sub-standard thespian artistry in the Worst Actress nominations too: Jennifer Garner’s hot performance in ‘Peppermint’ makes the movie, uh, what it is, while Helen Mirren’s contribution to the horror film‘Winchester’ was acclaimed by critics as dull and pointless – but what do they know?
The very worst of 2018 movies
All of which brings us to ‘The Happytime Murders’. Who needs taste when you’ve got a “Sex. Murder. Puppets” publicity poster? Living up to its spoiler alert, this happy movie appears to be all about Detective Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy) tracking down puppets (another tough job), smoking purple coke and of course playing a hand or two of casino poker with some puppet criminals. What could be more dangerous?
The crime-fighting theme seems to have brought the worst out of producers and script writers, if the 86-minute animated movie ‘Sherlock Gnomes’ (aka Death Wish II) is anything to go by. So in a plot which is way too complex to go into, even if you’ve got time on your hands, you’d never guess that SG saves Gnomeo and Juliet.
Yes, the Golden Raspberries 2019 is well worth the $40 that about 1,000 Razzie film connoisseurs from 24 countries pay. Because for that they get to vote online to shoot down the very worst turkeys the silver screen tried to breathe life into during 2018.